20 costumes that have no business being sexy
I think costume companies have gone a little too far in their attempts to help ladies skimp around in nothing more than a few scraps of clothing under the guise of it being a “costume” on Halloween.
Pretty soon they’re going to run out of ideas and ladies will be forced to go as sexy metaphysical manifestations of the idea of life after death (I have no idea how they would do this but I’m sure they’d find a way to make it sexy) or a sexy Higgs Boson particle (this one does have some potential).
Currently though, we’re stuck with ridiculous sexy interpretations of inanimate objects, board games, and random food items. I am in no way complaining about being privy to seeing scantily clad women out in public on one glorious day of the year but let’s just drop the ruse and call Halloween what it really is – National Lingerie Day.
Below is a list of a few of the slutty costumes that we thought would be better left unsexy:
1. Sexy Leg Lamp from “A Christmas Story”
2. A Freaking Sexy Keg (seriously?)
3. Sexy Mexican Racial Stereotype (who knew those poncho wearing sombrero lovers could be so sexy?!)
4. Sexy Where’s Waldo. I find it interesting that they were able to take one of the most unsexy figures from my childhood and turn it into something I want to bang.
5. Sexy Plumber. She can work on my pipes anytime if you know what I mean…
6. Sexy Joan Rivers
7. Sexy Freddy Kruger
8. Sexy Ketchup Bottle. Someone must really have to love ketchup to want to sexualize ketchup.
8. Sexy Medical Marijuana Nurse
9. Sexy Monopoly Board Game
10. Sexy Optimus Prime. I definitely prefer the headlights on this rendition of Optimus Prime over its onscreen counterpart.
11. Sexy Baby. Okay, so I understand the Sexy School Girl costumes but a sexy baby? Am I going to have to burp her before sex?
12. Sexy Starchild from Kiss. So let me get this straight, there are actually chicks out there who think that dressing up as a dude who dressed up in half drag who sang rock and roll songs is the best way to go about exuding sexiness?
13. Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
14. Sexy Martini. While I have to admit, this outfit is quite sexy but come on – you’re dressed up as a liquid! Why not go as bottled water or some fancy lube?
15. Sexy Kate Gosselin
And to complete the telltale Kate look how about throwing in this attractive 8 baby pouch sling in khaki?!
16. Sexy Pool Table
17. Sexy Chucky. Really ladies? You want to dress up as a homicidal stuffed doll?
18. Sexy Sushi. First of all, this outfit vaguely even resembles sushi. Secondly, why in the hell would you want people to associate your sexiness with the smell of fish?
19. Sexy Bottle of Vodka. While I love vodka just at much as the next person, I don’t really understand how it can serve as the basis for an entire costume but somebody with the know how made it happen!
20. Sexy Pilgrim. Yes, let’s dress up as a puritanical prude who was really into witch burning and shooting Indians.